Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2016 10:23 am Post subject: Can I be Otherkin if I have no memories? (2015)
"I strongly believe that I may be otherkin but lack any awakening memories or flashbacks. I feel really strongly I am and it'd explain a lot but can I be otherkin without memories?"
Regarding your concerns of a lack of awakening, contrary to what some may say, it isn’t the end of the world or a lack of proof if flashbacks or memories haven’t popped up. Otherkinism in my personal view is a faith based concept, a spiritual or psychological perception of ones inner self. Not all otherkin are of the “reincarnated” variety and there are different interpretations as to what is going on spiritually or psychologically and in that way there are different degrees or spectrum of otherkin.
I just focus on the reincarnation aspect due to an experience bias it's what I relate with personally. Another reason you may not have any memories is that they seem to be a sort of highlight reel of important emotional moments that may have imprinted on the spirit like a recording. I think I was mostly a wild animal so I mostly just had my death and one or two brief moments of interest. The most vivid possible memory I have was a dream in which I got ambushed and killed in my sleep. In the third and last repeat of said dream a humanoid wolf shouted “Koragus” or “Korageth” which I assume was my name (By that time I had already adopted the name Jafira both online and in personal friendships so stuck with it) If your possible past life was peaceful or mundane then it may be possible that nothing was imprinted like that, or it may take longer for something to come up. *shrugs* possibly nothing may come up, but just know that memories are not the end all be all of evidence.
To be honest, at least in regards to myself I worry that some may be over imagining the impact of memories. As said above I only had a few brief nightmares of getting killed and a quick flashback of flying over grass and a lake. I also had a few separate dreams in which I was an entirely different dragon of the opposite gender nesting with a family, so go figure on that one. (She became my Rashau character)
Point being, you can’t rely solely on dreams like that, some can be just that, dreams. In the end my major past life memory tally was three nightmares and a flashback of flying. Any of which could easily be whittled away rationally. The vast majority of my faith or perceptions that I was once a dragon tend to come from a sort of inner knowing or to get metaphysical, a spiritual instinct. I don’t want to say its entirely emotion based as that could be perceived as escapism or fantasy, but In many ways for myself at least, it is built partly upon emotion and just personal experiences.
For example, starting about the age of ten or so I had a sort of “dragon side” or imaginary other half that would kind of give me support. When I turned thirteen somebody told me that I was possessed and others said I wasn’t normal, so I tried to kill it alongside all interest in dragons. This lead to a strange depression in which I just drifted through life kind of dead inside. So a year later I went back to liking dragons. At the age of sixteen a friend and family member destroyed what few dragon things I had (mostly a sentimental necklace and a journal of thoughts and doodles) so I acted normal again but became depressed and drifty like before.
Around the age of seventeen/eighteen I discovered otherkin and that I wasn’t alone which pretty much rebooted my love of dragons and put it into overdrive, but since I had no real memories other then a vague death, I made large assumptions and made everything about myself up. A few years later my false reality imploded and I abandoned dragons and otherkin yet again. That also lead to a long depression until I started over from scratch, which pretty much lead me to the present. I constantly struggled with the subject of “am I a dragon?” all throughout my life.
As you may have noticed, every time in my past that I would try to ignore my odd connection to dragons I would go into a sort of depression as if an important part of my self was dead or being locked away. Whenever I would accept or “go with” the idea that I was a dragon or somehow connected to them, my mentality would seem to shift back to a positive or normal state. This sense of being whole when I accepted that I may have been a dragon felt to me personally to be equal or better evidence then the few possible past life memories that I may have had.
There is still a 50/50 chance that I am not dragonkin, because in the end, Its impossible to know for sure. I try to keep to an agnostic mindset, I believe in all my heart that I was a dragon, based on the questions it answers and how it effects me negatively when I deny or ignore the idea, but since its improvable, I could be wrong. Thus I say “may have been” or “I perceive that I was” so as to avoid any absolutes or fights. I tread a middle ground leaning towards “Yes”. Despite my agnosticism or mild uncertainty I choose to identify myself as otherkin because personally it doesn’t feel right or natural for me not to. Even if I wasn’t kin, I would only downgrade myself to a furry or scaly of some sort, dragons are simply too much a part of my inner self to ever abandon.
That middle ground is something that most younger kin seem not to consider much anymore it is always yes or no and that absolutism tends to lead to a polarization of extremes such as either being so skeptical as to abandon the belief or so open minded as to become delusional.
If you are having emotions and feelings on the matter strong enough to cause you emotional pain or conflict, then in my honest opinion and from personal experiences you probably are an otherkin, in which case I would say go with it. You only live once and its best not to be miserable or questioning the whole time. If in the future you eventually determine that you were not kin, then no harm was caused by pursuing the faith or idea that you were. But if it feels natural and answers so much, then why resist it? Memories and awakenings are not the same for everyone, some come in spurts at different times in life, some don’t come at all. It is safe to believe that you are otherkin if it makes sense to your individual experiences, particularly if the emotions or instinct that you are is that strong.
I’d say accept it and see what may come or open up to you in time, but definitely maintain a sense of skepticism. The kin community is full of a variety of personalities and beliefs, many will say you need this experience or that sensation to be legit, but in in the end, its personal, be prepared to defend your feelings, but in all things be true to yourself. Likewise, don’t fall into assumptions, if you wrote a story in which a character was a dragon banished by the gods to earth, don’t fall into the idea of assuming you might have been that dragon. Try not to force or assume memories. If you want to look for them then go lay under a tree and relax in some grass, close your eyes and meditate to see if something might pop up, keep a balance of introspection, open minded, but not so much your brains fall out. Lastly, I’d say be in tune with your kintype or be dragon'y when it feels right and allow it to be just another part of your life, but don't allow it to control your life.
Of course, as a disclaimer I write only from my own experiences and being an otherkin is a subject that is personal to the individual and ones own understandings, it is something that only you can decide, good luck on your journey, take it slow with patience and balance in all things. _________________ Jafira ~ The Tycosian Dragon Visit The Forum
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